Wednesday, October 26, 2011

From the Unpublished Archives

An unused quasi car review from the MPH Magazine days. A "guest review" of the Jaguar XJ8 written by a 10-year-old boy.

Guest Review: Jaguar XJ8

I like the Jaguar XJ8 because I think it is a really cool car and it has a lot of really good qualities that any good car should have. First, it’s really cool because it’s a Jaguar and everyone knows that Jaguars are cool. Also, It’s black, and everyone knows that black is the coolest color. I’m too young to drive it, but my dad says it handles like a woman, but I really don’t know what that means. I just like riding in it. Although sometimes I have to pretend I’m Daddy’s nephew when he drives with women who aren’t Mommy. I’m not allowed to tell Mommy about them because Daddy says that he’s planning a surprise party for Mommy and that these women are helping him plan it. I hope it’s a fun party and there’s cake and stuff because I really don’t like it when Daddy makes me wait in the car while they work on their plans in the motel room. Sometimes I bring DVDs with me so I can watch movies, but I usually just bring my Game Boy, but even that gets boring after a while.

I like it when we go really fast in this car, but sometimes Daddy swears a lot and I’m not allowed to tell Mommy about that either, cos when he does it with Mommy in the car she gets really mad and they have a fight. I don’t like it when they fight, so I usually just look out the window and imagine we’re in outer space. Sometimes people in other cars make naughty hand signs at Daddy when he drives too fast. Daddy tells me they are just waving, but I know that they are being bad. Mommy’s not allowed to drive this car because Daddy says she drives like a woman, which I don’t get because she is a woman so what else is she supposed to drive like?

One time I sat in the driver’s seat and played with the steering wheel and that was fun, so I bet this is a really fun car to drive. One time our housekeeper put a dent in the door with her car door and Daddy got real mad and called her bad names.

I think this car is really cool and I think people should buy it because it’s really nice and as long as they don’t drive like a woman they will have fun in it.

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